Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Tears are Good. So...Let me Cry....

My last post was about sending off my missionary daughter.  I probably should have explained more things so as to avoid the comments that wanted me not to be sad; rather to rejoice in the blessing of having a missionary.  Those bothered me as they weren't what I needed - even though I know the authors 'meant' well and were probably trying to be helpful.

I do rejoice and am deeply grateful to have a daughter serve a mission.  Never did I feel otherwise.  But, can I share a truth I've learned - that will, hopefully, help us ponder on being more empathetic with one another?  I believe we'd all do well to show an increase of love as well as increased understanding of each another.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have been taught to 'mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.' (see vs. 8-10)  It's to this statement I address my remarks today.

Rain can be Healing....

I've been a single mother for 13 years. It's been the hardest thing ever gone through.  During this time I've raised three children alone and on a very tight budget.  (They were ages 6, 4, and 3 when we left.)  During that same time I've home schooled these children most years.  That was partly because I strongly believed in it and wanted the best for my children, but also because I had one child with special circumstances who could not be in a classroom setting to learn.  A doctor and personal friend told me that this child truly needed to be in a safe home environment - where he could learn and thrive.  So, we did that at great sacrifice and sometimes hardship, but also with tremendous outcome and blessings.

Anyway, my oldest daughter has been my dearest friend.  I was blessed to have her born into my life.  She has been responsible, dependable and very close to me.  Together, and as a family, we've been through more than anyone will ever know and have had to really draw close to one another as well as the Lord. We wouldn't have made it through our trials without much help from above and as we counseled and prayed together.

I won't get into details here - but, will say that only us and the Lord know of the trials and pain we have suffered, as well as the growth and blessings that have come to us because of our turning to Him and our desire to do His will.

Yes, I wanted this daughter to be able to serve a mission. Yes, we fasted and prayed together.  Yes, we rejoiced when she received a call and...rejoiced even more when a dear friend in the ward stepped forward and said that she felt strongly prompted to help this daughter financially be able to get the things she needed to be able to serve.  We couldn't have done it without her!

We've had more miracles than I can number - as well as more trials than I want to re-live.  So, yes, I am happy and grateful and thrilled for this blessing in her life.

But, yes, I will miss her and yes, tears were good.  I needed to cry.  It was a cry to let go of all we've been through. It was a cry of relief as well as sadness and loss of my dearest friend.  I realized later that they were tears of all sorts of emotions that needed to be released as part of a healing and cleansing for me.  Why would it have been otherwise?

I have come to know that our emotions are gifts to us.  We can learn from them and need to actually feel them instead of burying them.
Joy cometh in the morning...

I believe that if we can acknowledge and validate our feelings - we are much better off in learning about ourselves as well as having relationships with others.

What is the outcome if we continually tell one another to 'don't feel that way'?  How do children respond if we teach them not to be sad or fearful or playful or angry?  Would it not be better to learn why they feel as they do, validate it, empathize with them - and teach them correct principles so that they can then move on?  I believe it is in the burying of those thoughts and feelings that we open ourselves up to a lot of disharmony within ourselves - which can then lead to all sorts of physical ailments.  Our bodies are gifts that can teach us true principles.  If we disregard them, or negate spiritual promptings about how to care for them, we go against what we came here to appreciate, care for, and learn from.

So, tears can be good.  They can be a physical, emotional, and mental outlet.  So, let me cry if I need to.    Jesus did. Validation is appreciated - as is empathy (they are sort of the same thing).  Then, once I've learned what I've needed to learn, I can release it, let it go, and move on.  :)

Through many personal trials, experiences, studies, promptings and obedience, I've learned these types of things that have been helpful to me and my family.  I hope they might be of some help to some of you.  :)



  1. Thank you for sharing your feelings so imtimately. I meant no disrespect in my comments. I know what it is to have a pain that only Heavenly Father knows about. I'm glad that your tears of sadness, loss, joy and relief could be shed. These comments can seem so impersonal, I would love to reach out and give you a big hug! Women like you are my heros! Keep up the good work.

  2. Thank you, Rozy, for your kind words and sincerity. They are very appreciated! I didn't think that anyone meant any harm. I received quite a few comments on FB as well - most of which were understanding, but a few which were less so and even somewhat hurtful. So, those triggered this response. :)

    Bless you for writing. You're so right that these comments can seem impersonal. I've worried about that from time to time when I've posted something - but it didn't quite come out as intended.

    Thank you for being a kindred-soul! I wish you many blessings and....hope that we can all be a better support to one another - even with what we do online. Yours has been a wake-up call for me to do better, too! Thank you!


Thank you for your comments.